Hey there. It’s Deven and I want to talk about why I’ve been missing for a while and why I’ve been taking breaks for the last year or so.
I’ve been feeling burn out in a lot of areas in my life. Mostly in school and reviewing and that’s been leading me to cope with it by playing video games. It took me a long time to notice but lately my hours in Destiny 2 and, now that I’ve bought my PS4, Persona 5 have been going up fast.
I only bought my PS4 on November 24th and I’ve already put 60 hours into Persona 5. And my hours in Destiny 2….460 hours since August until now. That’s probably because two big expansions in the last few months but still…
For those that don’t know, I graduated with my Associate’s Degree last summer. I was so happy but I felt so burnout from school since I was in the school for 3 years to get my degree. So I decided to take a semester off to refuel. I still understood that one semester off could easily turn into two or three and pretty soon it could be 10 years later.
But now I’m scared to return. I’ve always had a fear of success and failure. I fear success I never felt that I could live up to the expectations that being successful brought upon me. I fear failure because of the expectations that others have put on me and I don’t want to disappoint anyone.
This would be a new place and new opportunity but all I see it as an opportunity to show off how worthlessly inept I am. I know logically that I’ll either do well or excel since I’ve always been a natural student that’s always been willing to go to tutoring or put in the work out of class to get it but I’m still scared.
That burnout and fear has really left me sapped and unwilling to do anything productive other than go to work and come home.
Probably another part to it is the anime I’ve been watching. I can see the time when I pretty much stopped watching anime cold turkey was back during the summer season. I just all of sudden just stopped watching shows like Grand Blue Dreaming, Persona 5 the Animation and HaruKana Receiving. Mostly because I was in the middle of one of the hardest classes I’ve ever taken and I didn’t have enough time in the day to study and watch anime at the same time.
And then I just felt this apathy to it. When Fairy Tail the Final Season came out, I watched it and enjoyed it and laughed with all of the jokes. But after the 3rd episode, I could take it or leave it. I mean I still love Fairy Tail but anime just wasn’t a pressing thing on my mind. I could queue it up to watch on Crunchyroll and enjoy it but I wasn’t experiencing the drive to watch it like I used to with other shows.
I don’t think it’s that I’m not enjoying anime anymore. I’m still eagerly awaiting the upcoming season of Date A Live but everything just feels muted now. I’ve stopped reading Shokugeki no Soma and other manga that I was keeping up with.
Perhaps as I’ve gotten older(I’m edging close to 25 with my birthday coming in January.) my tastes have changed. I don’t have much patience for some harem protagonists that manage to get a harem of teenage girls to fall for them just by being nice. I might be picking the wrong anime but that’s just me.
Regardless I’m planning to be more organized. I used to be more or less an improviser. If I needed to do a review I just do when I felt like it which led to the current situation but I’m setting aside a specific time of the day three times a week to write for the blog that I’ll hold myself to. So at least I’ll be able to write and maybe make it a habit again.
I’d like to take the opportunity to say that I’m sorry for failing all of you that come to this blog expecting content and only got silence. I know this post isn’t going to make up for that silence but it is an explanation for it. I want to be better in a lot more aspects of my life and that includes my blog.
Until the next post,
Also check out my right hand man, SkyCorps on AnimeWithSky where I’m also a writer. We’ve got some good reviews from all the writers, Speculations, Light Novel Reviews, and Manga Chapters Reviews. What are you waiting for? Come and check us out! You won’t regret it!